I stand there, unsure of what to do. The insane man managed to get attention off of Alex, but he just threatened us all. I consider trying to cheer her up, but I feel like I would only do more harm than good. So I stand there, twiddling my thumbs, watching as the man - Markus - spouts his nonsense, as Kat and Kait asks about fairies. Slowly, a feeling of inferiority begins to creep into my consciousness. After so long, I could walk, I could run, I could fly and jump and feel alive. For the first time in my memory, I met new people and talked to them. But I realize now that, even though I feel renewed, I am fading into the background.
I feel like I'm disappearing, like people's gazes see right through my body and pierce the world behind it. It's not like I have experience talking to people. That familiar feeling in my stomach again.
What will I do if it's all over? I think.
Who am I? I haven't had time to develop a personality of my own. I'm just... normal. Average. An extra. I think back to all my years in the hospital, all those years of not a single visit from a friend. The image of my last attack flashes through my mind again.
I bet nobody would care if I died... unlike her. The girl, Alex, being wheeled feverishly into the life support ward. She has a life of her own, one that's full of possibilities. So do all of the people here. I don't. My life ends here, in these dreams. I have no mark on the real world, and I won't get a chance to. Someday, I'll vanish, quietly and secretly. I try to twist my mouth in a smile to laugh it off, but that only sends a wave of sorrow through my body. I'm drowning. Drowning in my own uselessness.
My thoughts are abruptly ended by sudden scenery change. All I could process was a loud noise, a feeling that I was falling, and an odd transition phase where everything seemed abstract and my mind disconnected from my body. When I snap back into existence, a vast darkness blankets an open field. I still notice the same people near me, reassuring me even more that they are real. I breathe a sigh of relief. Oddly, it appears as though everyone is a source of light – although I can't see the ground beyond, a circle of lit gravel hangs on everyone's feet and their bodies are easily visible.
That's when I look to my right. There, far away but unimaginably colossal, are the two words that changed my life. The two words that keep me binded to that sickening smell, those white walls. The two words that wipe my existence away, that deprive me of living, of loving, of moving.
T E R M I N A L I L L N E S S.
Involuntarily, my arm twitches towards it. I need to grab it. I need to run to the words, to touch them, to capture them. Only then will I be free. I take a step forward, but I don't see it get any closer. But that's probably just because it's so huge and far away. I take another step. And another.
(( @People in vicinity ))
