Did I "overdo" this story?

[Nikonchapel]

I got this twisted idea, to write short fiction during lava survival rounds, However when I wrote this story I tried to drag it out, by making it fancy but I think I might have overdid it. What do you think?

http://gameolosophy.com/games/minecraft-narrative-anger/

 

[ForNeverMore]

Eh, sort of a boring read actually. :/

 

[BrickWolf]

Add how some flying man with a red name started burning things.

 

[Nikonchapel]

Add how some flying man with a red name started burning things.

dang I added the man with the red name burning things, but I forgot to mention he could fly , lol my bad.

 

[Zelz]

You overdo everything, sir.

 

[Achieina]

I think it's pretty good, except, I don't think writing in a more formal term fits Minecraft Lava Survival.