Amber Waves

[ChronosStar524]

I'm working on a script for video game I've called Amber Waves. I need some critque as I develop it.
Thanks,
David
*I'll add roles when if you truly want to join*

Prolouge (Seven Years Ago):
Sesella: Stop running! You can't escape your destiny.
Fratello: Let's see about that.
Sesella: (Sigh)
(Fratello climbs over the Palace Walls)
Sesella: Fine have it your way. I'm telling Artemis.
Fratello: He'll have to hustle!
Artemis: What was that?

 

[ChronosStar524]

The tablet cut off part of it.

Fratello: AHHH!
(Artemis picks Fratello)
Artemis: Why did you try escape?
Sesella: He wanted t-
Artemis: I asked him Sesella.
Fratello: I-I wanted to-t leave.
Artemis: You know what Master Tezera told you.
Fratello: Yes.
(Artemis drops Fratello)
Artemis: Now get back to bed.
Sesella: We kind of can't since the gate is locked.
Artemis: Actually (unlocks gate) we're not.

Fratel

 

[ChronosStar524]

Fratello: How'd you get the keys to the palace?
Artemis: I can be trusted unlike you.
Fratello: (Hmph)
Sesella: We better hurry.
(They all scurried back to their rooms)
(Fratello falls asleep)
*End of Prolouge*

 

[Baker93]

ChronosStar524 Please do not triple post. Use the edit button provided.

 

[Shinyshark]

Prolouge (Seven Years Ago):
Sesella: Stop running! You can't escape your destiny.
Fratello: Let's see about that.
Sesella: (sigh) Instead of a sigh, make the character look down with his eyes closed.
(Fratello climbs over the Palace Walls)
Sesella: Fine have it your way. I'm telling Artemis.
Fratello: He'll have to hustle!
Artemis: What was that?Fratello: AHHH!
(Artemis picks Fratello)
Artemis: Why did you try escape?
Sesella: He wanted t-
Artemis: I asked him Sesella.
Fratello: I-I wanted to-t leave.
Artemis: You know what Master Tezera told you.
Fratello: Yes.
(Artemis drops Fratello)
Artemis: Now get back to bed.
Sesella: We kind of can't since the gate is locked. Don't use "Kind of can't" use "We can't" instead.
Artemis: Actually (unlocks gate) we're not. We're not? It's not, I beleive, unless you mean something else.Fratello: How'd you get the keys to the palace?
Artemis: I can be trusted, unlike you.
Fratello: (Hmph)
Sesella: We better hurry.
(They all scurried back to their rooms)
(Fratello falls asleep)
*End of Prolouge*

That's really all I think should be changed.

 

[ChronosStar524]

ChronosStar524 Please do not triple post. Use the edit button provided.

I had an error with the tablet. Sorry never meant to triple post.

That's really all I think should be changed.

Thank you I'll make these adjustments after school.

 

[ChronosStar524]

Prolouge (Seven Years Ago):
Sesella: Stop running! You can't escape your destiny.
Fratello: Let's see about that.
Sesella: (closes her eyes and looks down)
(Fratello climbs over the Palace Walls)
Sesella: Fine have it your way. I'm telling Artemis.
Fratello: He'll have to hustle!
Artemis: What was that?Fratello: AHHH!
(Artemis picks Fratello)
Artemis: Why did you try escape?
Sesella: He wanted t-
Artemis: I asked him Sesella.
Fratello: I-I wanted to-t leave.
Artemis: You know what Master Tezera told you.
Fratello: Yes.
(Artemis drops Fratello)
Artemis: Now get back to bed.
Sesella: We can't since the gate is locked.
Artemis: Actually (unlocks gate) it's not.
Fratello: How'd you get the keys to the palace?
Artemis: I can be trusted, unlike you.
Fratello: (Hmph)
Sesella: We better hurry.
(They all scurried back to their rooms)
(Fratello falls asleep)
*End of Prolouge*